Many of us have been sold a shallow version of happiness—one rooted in instant gratification, quick dopamine hits, and surface-level pleasures. Society tells us that more consumption, more entertainment, and more success will bring us fulfillment, yet so many of us feel restless, anxious, or unfulfilled. Why? Because true happiness isn’t just about pleasure. I want to share a framework to build a life that fosters not just joy, but a deep and lasting sense of well-being.
A framework for happiness
This framework is based on Martin Seligman’s PERMA model which breaks happiness into five key components:
- Positive Emotion – Joy, gratitude, and optimism.
- Engagement – Finding flow in challenging, immersive activities.
- Relationships – Building strong, meaningful connections.
- Meaning – Aligning life with a greater purpose.
- Accomplishment – Pursuing and achieving goals that foster growth.
I see each component of PERMA acting as a unique power source in my ‘happiness energy system’:
- Positive Emotion is like a quick sugar rush—instant and pleasurable but fleeting.
- Engagement is the steady-burning fire that keeps us motivated when we immerse ourselves in challenging and rewarding activities.
- Relationships act as a shared power grid—when we’re down, we can draw energy from the people who support us, and in turn, we give back, strengthening the entire network.
- Meaning is nuclear energy, a deep and lasting force that fuels resilience and sustains us through life’s biggest challenges.
- Accomplishment is like a well-built engine—every effort adds to our momentum, making us stronger and more capable over time.
Instead of chasing one type of happiness, PERMA teaches us that balance is key. If we rely too much on one fuel source—whether it’s chasing momentary pleasures, throwing ourselves into work, or endlessly striving for success—we risk burnout or emptiness. But when we blend these elements thoughtfully, we create a life that is sustainable, fulfilling, and deeply rewarding.
1. Positive Emotion: Simple Joys That Uplift
Modern life makes it easy to chase quick pleasures—video games, Netflix, exotic travel. For many people, these “instant gratification” activities are already abundant. If that’s the case, it might be time to scale them back and make room for deeper sources of happiness. On the other hand, if you have ‘productivity-bro’ tendencies or are a bit of a workaholic, carving out guilt-free leisure time can actually help recharge your energy.
Meanwhile, shifting your mindset toward gratitude, humor, and mindfulness can turn everyday moments into lasting sources of joy. True joy doesn’t require lavish spending or grand experiences—it often comes from appreciating the simple things. A shared laugh with a friend, your favorite song, or a perfectly ripe avocado can bring just as much fulfillment as an expensive trip or a luxury purchase. The key is learning to savor these moments and recognizing their value in shaping a meaningful life.
2. Engagement: Finding Flow That Energizes
We’ve all felt that state of flow—when time disappears because we’re so immersed in something. It could be reading, coding, climbing, or painting. Flow is one of the most reliable sources of long-term happiness, but it requires intention. Identify Your Flow Activities: Ask yourself, “Which activities make me lose track of time?” and make sure you block out 90-minute sessions where you can focus without distractions.
Unlike fleeting pleasures, flow fuels long-term satisfaction. When you find and protect these moments, you create a steady, reliable energy source that sustains you over time.
3. Relationships: The Power Grid of Happiness
Happiness isn’t a solo pursuit. No matter how introverted or independent you might feel, life is richer when you have strong, meaningful relationships. Our social connections act as a shared power grid—when we’re running low, we can draw energy from those who care about us, and in turn, we can contribute and uplift others.
Neglecting relationships can leave you feeling drained, even if everything else in your life seems in place. Investing in social bonds is one of the strongest predictors of long-term well-being. Whether it’s deep conversations, shared experiences, or simply being there for others, relationships amplify happiness in ways nothing else can.
4. Meaning: Aligning with Something Bigger
The happiest, most resilient people I know have a sense of purpose beyond themselves. Without a strong sense of meaning, life can feel unanchored, lacking the depth that makes even difficult moments worthwhile.
I believe the easiest and fastest way to fill this bucket up is by raising children. It is one of the most profound ways to connect to something beyond yourself, to invest in the future, and to find purpose in everyday moments. Parenting is not always easy, but through the challenges, there is an unparalleled depth of love, growth, and fulfillment. It ties you to the cycle of life, to something greater than fleeting personal success, and allows you to leave a lasting impact on the world through the people you nurture and guide.
Of course, meaning isn’t exclusive to parenting. Others find it through faith, creative expression, mentorship, volunteering, or dedicating themselves to a mission-driven cause. The common thread is a commitment to something larger than the self.
Meaning acts as a deep, steady energy source—it’s not always exciting, but it sustains you during life’s most challenging moments. When everything else feels empty, reconnecting with purpose can provide fuel that lasts far longer than any external reward.
5. Accomplishment: Building Momentum Over Time
Accomplishment fuels confidence and reinforces our sense of capability. Whether it’s mastering a skill, completing a tough project, or hitting a personal best, these milestones remind us of our growth and push us forward.
Yet, relying solely on achievement can be a trap. Many experience an initial rush of motivation when progress is rapid—lifting heavier weights, climbing harder routes, or advancing at work. But when growth slows, those who tie their happiness solely to success often feel disillusioned.
That’s why it’s crucial to diversify our fuel sources—balancing accomplishment with relationships, flow, and joy. CrossFit does this well by fostering strong community ties, keeping people engaged long after their personal records peak. This explains why many 60+ year-old CrossFitters stay active—they integrate social connection, movement, and long-term fulfillment beyond just performance metrics.
Bringing It All Together
If you ever feel stuck or unfulfilled, it’s often because one of these five elements is running on empty. Think of PERMA as your personal energy mix: Are you relying too much on quick bursts of pleasure and not enough on deep engagement? Have you neglected relationships or meaningful pursuits?
One last note is that these categories aren’t separate—they overlap and reinforce each other. Watching Netflix with a loved one can provide both Positive Emotion and strengthen Relationships. Climbing for me is a source of flow, relationships and accomplishment although it lacks in meaning which is why it lost its appeal to me for a while before I was able to reframe its purpose in my life (and once kids had filled up my meaning bucket).
Happiness isn’t a single destination. It’s a dynamic, ever-changing balance of different energy sources. By being intentional about your fuel mix, you can create a life that is not only happy in fleeting moments but deeply fulfilling in the long run.